What Was That Salt 'n Pepa Song Again?

"The TALK!" Gasp! Every mom's...and dad's nightmare.....

I've put it off long enough. Caitlyn finally dropped the S-bomb on me at the dinner table yesterday. I knew that day of impending doom was coming. I've avoided it before and I've circumvented the issue before and finally, as loud at thunder, she asked, "mufummeefee, hafaf yofoo hafad sefex befeefofore?" (she was tactful.. she asked in F-Language, which translates to "Mummy, have you had sex before?"). I hummed and hawed for a few seconds and finally said, just equally as loud, "of course Caitlyn, that's how I had you and Bryan". Her answer "Ew that's gross". Just like that, end of story. No more after last night.

But then after a long hard thought, I thought I'd better set the record straight.... I had it all planned out.... I'd tell her in the morning that she came out from the Toys 'R' Us Baby Catalogue or Formulated from "Baby Formula" or the classic "The stork brought you to us".... or something.... ANYTHING to get out of the whole "Birds and the Bees" talk.

Fast forward to this morning, she came in (they love coming in for a huddle and cuddle in the morning when I'm in bed), had my iPod in her hands, harvesting Smurf crops, I plucked up my courage, put on my artificial pair of balls and asked her why she was curious about sex. She said she has learnt about puberty, the changes in a child's body to adulthood, sperms and eggs (which by the way, she thinks it's disgusting... Woohoo!). She then said that the news she heard yesterday about the "guy and his 2 girlfriends on TV" (Yup, you know which one THAT "guy" is.... Hint: Think Pollie). So you see? Kids do pick up rubbish on TV. Anyway, I told her that that's one way of making babies.

Caitlyn: Then why do they have to take off their clothes?
Me: Cos it's warm and the clothes get in the way......
Caitlyn: But that's disgusting!

Then I went on telling her about the Anatomy and physiological aspect of the human reproductive system (ahem!... it's just a fancy term for the hooha, penis, the balls and where the little soldiers & eggs are stored). I also took the opportunity to introduce to her the same-sex-union aspect of relationships, Stranger-Danger, rape and statutory rape and how she has to keep safe all the time. She was very intrigued... At the end of the little graphic-less lesson, I asked "anything else you want to know about sex?".... to which she replied, "no mum, you've grossed me out enough"... and went back to harvesting her potatoes.