THE "TALK"

Fearing that the end might be near for me, soon after I received news that I needed to undergo cardiac surgery, I felt I needed to "prepare" Caitlyn for the worse... well...just in case..... you know la.. malang tidak berbau ma.


I was drying her hair and I started the "TALK" by apologising to her that I would not be attending her school's morning assembly on the 18th Nov because I had to see a "heart doctor". (Caitlyn had a speaking part in her "Pirate" performance). She asked me then why I had to see the doctor, I replied "remember the machine mummy was wearing last week? Well, the doctor has seen the report and he says mummy needs to have an operation soon. I could see the wheels in her brain were turning.

Caitlyn: When will you go for your operation?

Me: I don't know when, but it could be soon.

Caitlyn: What's wrong with your heart mummy?

Me: God gave me a special and giving heart, which means I was born with a special heart but a bit faulty.

Caitlyn: Did Poh Poh eat the wrong medicine when she was pregnant with you? (I was blown away with this question!)

Me: No, Poh Poh didn't. Anyway, I just want to tell you that just in case Mummy doesn't want to wake up after the operation, I want you to remember to always love your brother and Papa. You have to promise me to take care of Bryan even after he grows up and always listen to Papa. Do the best you can in everything....

Caitlyn: (Starting to tear) But Mummy, I can't run the fastest!

Me: Well, you don't have to run the fastest or swim the fastest but you have to do your best in school so that you can be the teacher you always wanted to be.

Caitlyn: But I don't want you to die!

Me: I will promise to wake up but JUST IN CASE, OK?

Caitlyn: OK................ If you die, who will play the organ for the Church?

Me: Don't worry, I will find a good replacement. Just remember to pray that Jesus bless the Surgeon with steady hands, ok?

Then she just sat there, nodding, on my lap, just holding on to me, and quietly sobbing for a good half hour. Then I told her to go watch some TV...

I was sitting in my room, and I heard her tell the Papa.. "you know, Papa, although Mummy won't be here, she will still be here... like an angel."

Sigh... my darling girl, all grown up.